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Lard
According to Mike? Vanderkamp, Senior Vice President Marketing Hormel Foods, “by definition lard is a pork product.”
— CK1
Vietnamese peppers
Scott and his brother and parents welcomed a young Vietnamese man into their home to live while he got familiar with the culture and was able to get on his feet and find a job. The young Vietnamese man’s name was Thahn and he brought a spark of wonder and learning and a new cultural experience to into Scott and Scott’s families world, and in turn Scott helped Thahn to learn about America and the American culture which also I believe helped young Scott hone his tale crafting skills that he would carry into his adult life.
One day I was over at the homestead and Thanh had some hot dried peppers that he used to cook some of the native Vietnamese dishes he liked to eat as a little remembrance of his homeland. He showed the bag to Scott and I (Thanh liked to call me big boy because he was a fairly short thin man and I was close to twice his size).and said we should each try one. We were not born yesterday so we said if you eat one first in front of us and show us you swallowed it, we would do it as well. Thanh took a pepper out of the bag, popped it in his mouth and chewed and then swallowed it. We watched suspiciously and waited for him to race to the facet for some water to drink, but to our surprise he just stood there and even opened his mouth wide to show us it was indeed no longer in his mouth. Scott and I looked at each other and shrugged and each took a pepper and popped it in our mouths, and before finishing chewing and swallowing we were both racing to the faucet for water with Thanh gleefully cackling in the background. Water was not enough to extinguish the hell that was burning in our mouths. We raced to the freezer and each popped in an ice cube hoping for the sweet relief the iced cold cube would bring, but it was all for naught. Anyone who has had the experience of trying any variety of too hot peppers and had it exposed directly to your tongue knows neither water or ice cubes are a match for the stinging pain in one’s mouth from these devilish little beasts. All the while Thanh can’t stop laughing at the foolish young American boys and their gullibility.
Eventually after what seemed like hours of agony and pain the two foolish young men asked Thanh how he was able to tolerate such devilishly hot peppers. Thanh looked at our pathetic sweaty faces and said, he kept the pepper on his teeth and did not let it touch his tongue. Scott and I looked at each other and then at Thahn and said why did you not tell us that is how you do it before we ate the peppers and he just looked at us and let out an renewed round of belly laughs as he walked off shaking his head at us. That was Scott and my introduction to Hot Vietnamese peppers, and a lessen in things aren’t always as they may appear.
— Brent
Cobogganing
We’ve all heard of the great north country activity that the masses indulge in during the cold months sliding down a snowy hill using a Toboggan. According to the Canadian Encyclopedia, “Traditionally among Subarctic Indigenous peoples, the toboggan was a common means of hauling small loads or people over snow. Typically, toboggans were constructed of two or more thin boards of larch or birch wood, secured to one another by crossbars, with boards turned up at the front.”. However, have you ever heard of the Coboggan? It is what appears to have been a potentially unhealthy mating of the concept of sliding down the said snowy hill using an aluminum canoe instead of the traditional wooden toboggan. The hill was a short embankment in the back yard of Scott and Penny’s first house. The concept may have been fueled by alcohol and as far as I was aware no animals were injured (but I’m not sure of people.). I don’t know if Scott received any royalties, but the concept was recreated recently in an Avera Orthopedic commercial cobogganing down a staircase in a residence. (I don’t know if any animals or people were injured!)
— Bruce
Camping
Bruce and I had NO camping experience but decided since Scott had a tent we could borrow, why not? Scott’s tent was small and red, a tiny two person. He mentioned that it did have a small hole as he used a box cutter to open the original box but cut a little deeper than he intended. He told us it was not a problem because he used duct tape to fix it. We got it and packed up for a trip to the Black Hills by way of the Badlands. First night we are setting up for the night on the gravely land, get the tent out, realized that it isn’t just one hole but several. He had gone through many layers of the tent fabric but covered them all with nice silver duct tape! Being such newbies, we had no foam pads or cots, were very cozy, and felt protected by tape on every side. We have camped a few more times but bought our own tent or stayed in a camping cabin. Thanks Scotty for the introduction to “primitive” camping!!
— Janet
Bo and Luke Duke
If you are old enough to remember the TV show Dukes of Hazzard, you know the Duke boys had a tendency to drive fast down old winding gravel roads and jump there car over some creek by using a pile of gravel or a broken down bridge to land cleanly and safely on the other side. Well old Scotty boy will tell you that is just a bunch of TV magic hoo-hah. What really happens when you drive fast on an old gravel road and listen to your high school friend and future Local News celebrity to gun it when approaching a bridge (maybe not a broken one but one that has a slope to the approach) you launch your late 60’s model Oldsmobile F85 pride and joy into the air, your occupants hit their head on the roof of the car and you land and bottom out filling your engine compartment with gravel and break your fan belt as you slide through the stop sign on the other side of the bridge. So take a lesson from Old Scotty Boy and drive safe and resist bad suggestions from your friends especially while driving! Y’all be safe now ya hear!!
— Brent
Lighting a fire.
A fire is not a good or even great fire unless you poke it. It is best if you have a purpose built metal fire poker, but if not poking with a stick will suffice. Never leave a good fire to burn if you can make it a great fire by poking it!
— Brent
Does Natural Gas Smell?
Natural Gas does not inherently have a smell. They add the smell so the gas guys can make fart jokes….and something about so you can smell if there is a leak…blah blah blah…safety!
— Brent
Hide and seek
Hide and seek at your friends can be a fun game after drinking half a case of Rhinelander Beer. Your friends may say they have had enough seeking, but you can never have enough seeking when there are so many closets and beds for hiding!
— Brent
Scott’s middle name
Many of you probably think Scott’s middle name is Samuel, which is also his dad’s middle name. But the truth, Scott told me when we were dating, is that the “S” stands for Sincerity. Scott Sincerity. And that’s just one of the reasons to trust Scottopedia.info for all your important research.
— Penny
Scott-O-Pedia Guide to Romance
Surprise her- Step one: hide under her bed for a very long time. Step two: ?
Dress to impress- Hats! Ladies love hats of all shapes and sizes, but especially hats that have at least one feather. Two feathers? Only if you have the confidence and charisma to pull it off. Three feathers is too much and smells of desperation.
Have an aura of danger- Ladies go for naughty boys and sports cars. The thrill and danger of speed keeps things exciting. Having a sports car with a questionable clutch and the danger of not making it back home is also very exciting.
Inspire- Brains can be just as sexy as brawn! Show her that you are not just another hunky slab of man meat. You have a deep, important thoughts like: The 450 billion cubic feet of natural gas consumed annually heats two of every three Minnesota homes and provides power to the state’s vibrant ethanol industry. What d’you know about it?!?!?
Explore the world- Impress your sophisticated lady with an exotic trip across the globe to visit the world’s only penis museum. Some ladies might not be impressed, but that’s how you weed out the runners-up.
Be romantic- Experience the soft summer moonlight reflecting off of the algae bloom at Lake Madison. You don’t get that green glint just anywhere! Jack and Rose had the splendor of the Titanic, but the Pontanic had at least a 50% better chance of making it safely back to port.
— CScott